Turning 36

I turned 36 a few days back. 36 is an interesting number. A perfect square. I started thinking where I was during my other perfect square birthdays – 25, 16, 9, 4, 1. I thought about other perfect square numbers I would encounter (a big assumption here) at 49, 64, 81. I don’t want to be even writing 100. After reflecting for a while I realized that each of these numbers had been significant for me. My 4^th birthday is first one I remember. At nine I wrote my first competitive exam and went to boarding school. The first really serious conversation I had with my parents was at 16. I joined the IAS at 25 and now at 36 I feel the urge to do something – something different to what I have been doing in the last few years.

My father called me up in the morning to wish me. I couldn’t help but recalling when he was 36 and I was six. Today my son is 6. The years have gone by like the pages of a book. You look at how much you have left to read and stretch yourself out on your couch. Then, as your start enjoying the book the pace of the pages turning increases. And before you know it the book is over. Life, in many ways, is like a book too – and the years are like its pages. The good years roll by and not so good ones simple refuse to budge – like a book which you have to plough through. But plough through you must.

When I was 6 we went through two months of holidays – right in the middle of the year due to the Mandal Commission agitation. Now at 6 my son has had a month of no school due to Corona. I told him every generation gets it once as kids. He did not realize I was sarcastic. We did not mind the break we got as 6 years olds. I don’t think my son is minding it much either. Some things don’t change.

This lockdown period was an interesting time to have a birthday. I have never liked having parties and big events. So this year was very good. Good homemade food with my wife and kids. It was also a time for expressing gratitude. Not to anybody. Just silently inside me. The pictures of poor people walking hundreds of kilometers, hungry and tired, to reach their villages amidst this pandemic was a reminder how much I had to be thankful for in life. All disappointments and bad experiences just fade away in comparison.

A note on turning 36 without a word on the lockdown and the pandemic would be a hole too big to fill. Our grand-parents saw big wars and the partition in their 20s and 30s. Our parents recollect India’s wars of the 60s and 70s. The lights out and the air signals. Our generation saw the Kargil war in our teens. However, this battle against Corona is something else. We are all in it. All together. Manasi, my wife and fellow officer, has been arranging food rations for the Public distribution system making 100-150 calls a day coordinating with authorities across the country. My team burned mid night oil to produce tech enabled solution to ease things for citizens. I see fellow officers around me and my IAS batch whatsapp group and the things people are doing. It is humbling. I feel privileged to be part of them.

The desire to contribute is palpable all around. As I enter my 37^th year I realise the importance of counting my blessings. As my father says, “It’s all in the mind, son.” I can’t but agree with him.