My first memory of Aneesha is an
email I received from her a month before we were to depart for Oxford. It was a
group mail asking for mugshot and brief profile which could be shared with the
group. I responded. Much to my surprise, I quickly received a follow up mail
asking me about what I had studied at St Stephens’ – the same college she had
been to although a good 6-7 years before me. I attributed this special interest
to the common alma mater we shared. It was only later in Oxford I realised that
that was not the case. She took a keen interest to know each and every one of
us in the cohort and outside – by investing a bit of time – little by little
with everyone. It was this particular characteristic which made her like the
common binding glue – cutting across personalities, and glossing over the
laughable differences we often sparred over every now and then.
We were meant to be on the same
train to Oxford but couldn’t spot each other. It was only at the entrance of
Pembroke College where we finally walked into one another. Viji was also there.
Her warmth came across in a wide smile. I knew immediately here was someone I
would be able to get along with immediately. As time went by I was proven right
at every time. For a large part of our stay many of us would gather at 30-A
Union street – a most favourable adda for most of us. It was the centre of
activity, discussion, action and obviously drama. Once after I had taken up the
customary tea offered by her I was washing my mug when she noticed and told me to
let her do it. I refused and told her I was almost done with it. I went on to
say that I would not do this in India if I was to visit her house. She smiled
and immediately announced, “Rohan is such a nice boy. He washes his own mug.” This
is just one example of how sensitive and perceptive she was to behaviour.
As we settled down in the first
fortnight and we all got to know each other a bit, I came to know what she did.
Her area of work stood out. Two things I realised were on top of her mind. Her
‘girls’ – the children who grew up outside their homes and were taken under
their wings by Udayan Care, Aneesha’s NGO. The second thing was her son – an
independent minded 11-year-old who was a keen football player. She also told me
how Pankaj, her husband, had sold off the family business to get into
development work in Uttarakhand. She told me in great detail about the football
camp in Spain to which they had taken their son. I was 34 and a government
employee and found somethings she said totally fascinating. I would keep asking
her about how they made the decision to flog the family business and retire
into the hills. She told me, “We knew we require a certain amount. We worked
that out and then once you are clear it’s not so difficult.” Those words still
ring in my ears when I remember her.
Some of most standout memories
were on our driving holiday around the Isle of Skye. She took the lead in
making the bookings. There were eight people on the trip and as we were to
realise – it was a handful for achieving consensus. I don’t recall the details
but there were the ‘ayes’ and the ‘nays’ on almost every issue. (I am smiling
as I write this WHOLE paragraph fellow cohort members) As we drove and
communicated between the two vehicles one issue was about the “Distillery tour”
– with the which, how and when oscillating from one end to the other. As the
shrill increased – I remember this distinctly since I was driving and phone
went around from one person to the other – Aneesha sat silently, tapping and
swiping on the phone. A minute later, I think she called up the brewery and
booked the tour – that too at only 10 pounds per head. The decision taken we
all walked into the Oban distillery glad that somebody had made the decision
for us. She also played a key role in arriving at a final decision on the modus
operandi of the grand farewell party – insuring every person’s concerns get
addressed. She recognised group and individual dynamics very well and knew how
to get along with different personalities. (Heavyweight Political advisors,
bureaucrats, corporate honchos, legal bigwigs, central bankers and Doctors –
all included)
We all came to the fellowship
with our own set of goals. If I could point to one, for me it was travel and
taking a clear physical and mental break from my life of the past 8-10 years.
For some their work carried on and it was great networking opportunity. Aneesha
not only put her best foot forward in the classroom and outside but had a deep
sense of doing well. I remember how she insisted on us preparing for the debate
over a sushi dinner. I also recall her feeling low after our group presentation
with Andrew. Pankaj and I had tried to downplay it though I am not too sure we
succeeded. Things came a full circle for her after her final presentation which
was greatly appreciated. She told me she felt redeemed. Now when I look back I
realise that Oxford gave her the clarity to take up a full time job upon her
return. In the classrooms she made a special effort to not only interact but
also keep in touch with the speakers. She also told me about her time at St
Stephens’. I could sense a touch of regret when she told me that she would go
to college and return right back home. She had not really involved herself much
in college activities and felt that she should have been more involved. Oxford
was a great opportunity for her to make up for it and she did precisely that.
One of the standout memories of
our times spent together were walking around Paris – talking about the state of
affairs in India, our families, important decisions in our lives and the type
of upbringing we had had. She was candid in admitting to me that she felt her
upbringing had been too anglicised or rather too divorced from her
surroundings. As an example she told me
that she had eaten western food on a daily basis while growing up which was
rather out of place growing up in Delhi. Such an observation and acceptance of
one’s own past is not something for the faint hearted. In my experience most
people don’t think so much about such issues but here was a person in an almost
constant state of reflection and learning.
The only time I met her post
Oxford was in March 2019 at the Chevening get together in Delhi. Six of us went
to Khan market for dinner where the Delhi folk – ably led by Aneesha treated
Viji, Amit and me. She told me she had joined as Executive Director at Udayan
Care. She was happy about the role and had a good financial package. Things
seem to be working well – at least it seemed to me. We spoke during the
lockdown when she needed some help with a movement pass from Uttarakhand. I
last spoke to her a few days before my Fulbright interview in September where
we recollected some of the sessions we had in those unforgettable three months.
She told me that as much it was late for her to apply for the Fulbright she
would experience it vicariously through me. I could feel the genuineness in
what she said.
The WhatsApp message on 4th
January stunned me just like everyone else. That evening I was going through
some pictures and videos of our Oxford sojourn. I came across a video shot at
Niest Point at the Isle of Skye on a super gray day. With the iconic light
house in the background we seem to be in a really serious conversation. At one
point she says, with her characteristic blue spectacle frame standing out in
the greyness around, “Life is too short…” and then she continues, “For me being
able to travel is not an issue but what is really a big deal for me is to be in
Oxford and to be able to spend an entire weekend in the Library and have the
freedom to think – very important to me! No reason to do it for anyone else…”
We all know life is short. We all
go through our hard times – as Aneesha probably was having too in the last 3-4
months. She was a friend with whom one spent some great times and shared some
great memories. Such is life. People come into your life for short blissful
periods and then they are gone. All that is left are memories. Memories which
bring back memories that bring back you, Aneesha. RIP.
Comments
Post a Comment